Here
at the School of Presence we are practicing BOUNDARIES this week.
And what is a boundary? A Boundary is a limit, a frontier. It is separation, division, distinction. If we think a bit deeper, we will end up facing that without limits relationships would not be possible, as there would not be "the other" to whom I could relate. LIMITS separate particles, organs and bodies from each other. Limits establish a sense of propriety and the space where exchanges can happen. Exchanges can only occur between distinct personalities. It needs the "otherness".
Having said that, it is worthy noting as well that talking about BOUNDARIES is also talking about TOLERANCE and its practical applications in our daily lives. When we talk about tolerance in general, we are talking about our duty to respect the dignity and the integrity of another person as a human-being. But tolerance is an abstract concept with many layers of application. Tolerating someone as a human-being, for example, doesn't mean that I need to invite him into my social zone. Having a healthy joyful convivence with friends and colleagues doesn't necessarily mean that I have to invite them into the more profound zone of intimacy. It is worthy noticing that these distinctions are not made geographically, but in our ontology, or in other words, in how we interact with each of these group of people.
Unclarity about these distinctions might generate conflicts within ourselves and others as people might raise false expectations about how to relate with us or mistaken interpretations about our limits.
A few points are clear to me so far. In my opinion:
- Limits are a constitutive part of our nature;
- They are helpful on the context of relationships, as they send a positive message of "I am here";
- They provide clarity, comfort and security to our interactions.
After this theoretical explanation, I want to propose a simple coaching exercise. Here it goes:
1- Observe yourself interacting in each of these zones;
2- How is your body posture with your family and intimate friends? is it the same as in your broader social zone? and how are you in your ‘common-ground’ zone?
3- How do you move in each of these spaces? What changes? Can you notice the difference?
4- Being clear about these limits generates in you a feeling of confidence or discomfort? or how do you feel about it? Why?
5- Are you owning your own circles or are you just immersed on the circles that cultural and family discourses have imposed on you?
6- In case you haven't done it yet, would you like to design your own circles? Take this picture as a model and write in each zone the names of people or environments you would like to have there.
7- Why do you think it is useful to do/or not to do this circles design?
Well, this was it for today. Much love and see you next time.
And what is a boundary? A Boundary is a limit, a frontier. It is separation, division, distinction. If we think a bit deeper, we will end up facing that without limits relationships would not be possible, as there would not be "the other" to whom I could relate. LIMITS separate particles, organs and bodies from each other. Limits establish a sense of propriety and the space where exchanges can happen. Exchanges can only occur between distinct personalities. It needs the "otherness".
Having said that, it is worthy noting as well that talking about BOUNDARIES is also talking about TOLERANCE and its practical applications in our daily lives. When we talk about tolerance in general, we are talking about our duty to respect the dignity and the integrity of another person as a human-being. But tolerance is an abstract concept with many layers of application. Tolerating someone as a human-being, for example, doesn't mean that I need to invite him into my social zone. Having a healthy joyful convivence with friends and colleagues doesn't necessarily mean that I have to invite them into the more profound zone of intimacy. It is worthy noticing that these distinctions are not made geographically, but in our ontology, or in other words, in how we interact with each of these group of people.
Unclarity about these distinctions might generate conflicts within ourselves and others as people might raise false expectations about how to relate with us or mistaken interpretations about our limits.
A few points are clear to me so far. In my opinion:
- Limits are a constitutive part of our nature;
- They are helpful on the context of relationships, as they send a positive message of "I am here";
- They provide clarity, comfort and security to our interactions.
After this theoretical explanation, I want to propose a simple coaching exercise. Here it goes:
1- Observe yourself interacting in each of these zones;
2- How is your body posture with your family and intimate friends? is it the same as in your broader social zone? and how are you in your ‘common-ground’ zone?
3- How do you move in each of these spaces? What changes? Can you notice the difference?
4- Being clear about these limits generates in you a feeling of confidence or discomfort? or how do you feel about it? Why?
5- Are you owning your own circles or are you just immersed on the circles that cultural and family discourses have imposed on you?
6- In case you haven't done it yet, would you like to design your own circles? Take this picture as a model and write in each zone the names of people or environments you would like to have there.
7- Why do you think it is useful to do/or not to do this circles design?
Well, this was it for today. Much love and see you next time.